A natter could change a life

hello • 14 February 2021

Tips to help you ask, "are you OK?"


Ageing is not without challenges – health, relocation, loss, isolation, or difficulties completing tasks that were once simple – any of these can lead to us or our older friends, family members, or neighbours becoming disconnected from community and support networks.


A simple chat can mean everything to a friend or loved one who might be struggling. Even if they seem fine, it doesn’t mean they are. Those in need of support might not always ask for it. That’s why you need to trust your instincts and if you’re worried about someone in your world, reach out and ask, “Are you OK?” Comment on the changes you’ve noticed and help them access support to stop small problems from becoming bigger issues.


We all sometimes struggle with life’s ups and downs but by making time to support someone who is doing it tough you could change, or even save, their life.


The health-promotion charity R U OK? has released resources to help senior Australians give the 'Gift of Conversation'. We’ve extracted a few tips from the campaign resources to help you lend support to the people in your world who might be struggling.

The four steps to a meaningful conversation

 

1.    Ask R U OK?

 

You want your conversation to feel as comfortable and normal as possible. Pick a place (in person, on the phone, or online) where you’ll both feel comfortable. When starting the conversation, be relaxed and friendly in your approach. Let them know you’ve noticed a change and ask an open-ended question like, “You’ve seemed a bit out of sorts recently. How’s everything going?”

 

2.    Listen

 

Be prepared to listen and have an open mind. Ask questions to learn more about how they feel, when they feel this way and what might help to improve the way they feel. Don’t rush or interrupt. Let them speak in their own time.

 

 

3.    Encourage action

Try and encourage them to think of at least one step they could take to help them lighten the load.


You won’t always have the answers or be able to provide advice to the person. In fact, sometimes it’s better not to give advice. Some problems are too big for a friend and family member to solve and professional help might be needed.

 

 

4.    Check in

Try and get their agreement to check in again with them soon: “Do you mind if I drop by again soon to see how you’re travelling?” It’s helpful to follow up in a few days to see how they’re doing. This reinforces that you genuinely care and want to help.


You can find more conversation tips and resources on the R U OK? website at www.ruok.org.au/yournattermatters


If you or someone you know needs immediate support, contact Lifeline, available 24/7, on 13 11 14 for free and confidential emotional and crisis support. You can find a directory of Australian services and supports at www.ruok.org.au/findhelp

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After ten years of teamwork, partnerships, growth, and countless conversations, I will be stepping down as CEO from 1 December 2025. It has been an extraordinary privilege to contribute to the growth of this movement and to witness meaningful change before my eyes. Gavin Larkin founded R U OK? because he believed conversation has the power to change lives. One seemingly simple question, when asked with genuine intent and care, can start a meaningful and sometimes complex conversation. And that’s what Gavin wanted. For people to look beyond responses of “I’m fine” or “All good” and ask, “Are you really OK?”. The notion of going deeper with conversations, of asking a second time, of trusting our guts and moving past our hesitation - is being grasped and moving beyond one day to any day. Whilst saying “G’day how are you?” will always be a greeting - we can do more. When Gavin lost his father to suicide he wanted to try and protect other families from the pain his endured. He wanted to get people talking and having real chats about how they’re feeling with their mates, their family and their colleagues. In locker rooms, lunch rooms, and lounge rooms across the nation. But he approached it from a different angle. Gavin wanted all of us to have the confidence to support the people we care about who might be struggling with life. To make conversations a natural part of our behaviour, to openly show our signals of support. So as R U OK? generations continue to evolve, my chapter is coming to a close. How fortunate I am to have been part of the story. From hesitant glances during presentations in 2015 to queues of people waiting for a conversation in 2025. From yellow wigs in the office, to welcoming yellow-swathed Ambassadors to share their lived experience. From yellow coffee cups in a café, to yellow cars driving into communities nationwide. And yes, there’s been a few cupcakes along the way. Social change is happening, and we are all a part of it. No one organisation can prevent suicide, no one individual can save everyone - but the power of many can make a difference.
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