Tips for having an R U OK? conversation with neurodivergent people

hello • 31 August 2021

An R U OK? conversations might look a little different if you’re talking to a neurodivergent person. Here are some helpful tips.

Rachel Worsley and Mathew Farmarkis, co-founders of Neurodiversity Media, who produce accessible information resources for neurodivergent people in the workplace, joined us to talk about having R U OK? conversations with neurodivergent people.


Hi Rachel and Matthew, thanks for speaking to us. When we say neurodivergent people, who are we talking about?

 

In Neurodiversity Media’s resource library it covers autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, struggle coordination movement, dyscalculia (struggle with numbers) and Tourette syndrome.


R U OK? is about supporting those in our world who might be struggling with things, big and small. What are some additional challenges neurodivergent people face that we should be aware of?


Autistic burnout is a big one. The three main features of it being chronic exhaustion, loss of function and reduced tolerance to stimulus.

 

Can you talk to us about what are some of the signs someone may be experiencing autistic burnout?

 

A lot of autistic people do feel like we have been just getting through day-to-day life. Getting organised, getting dressed and doing our work can already take such a huge toll on us mentally, even though it's sort of stuff that most people can take for granted. Without having ways to recharge, safe spaces to recharge or permission to go to spaces to recharge, it can bring on that burnout and chronic exhaustion.

 

That can lead to a loss of function in day-to-day skills - things like getting out of bed or talking even. That happened to me, I didn’t want to talk, I went to non-verbal communication and wanting to write text.


Reduced tolerance to stimulus can be bright lights, lots of noises. Also if you’re being taught to stop stimming (stimming being habits that autistic people may engage in like hand flapping or playing with stuff all the time). Those kind of things may seem weird, but can actually be really helpful for autistic people.

 

If somebody is normally pretty calm, but they're just sort of withdrawing a bit more and feeling overwhelmed with sensory stuff, then that is a sign that clearly they're going through a difficult period and might need support.


For those wanting to check in on their neurodivergent friends, family and colleagues, how should they approach an R U OK? conversation?


I guess, for autistic people, the main thing is to allow them to be themselves. A lot of the burnout and mental health struggles we face is conforming to society and societal expectations around socialising and that sort of thing. And so just sort of being mindful of that, and providing us that space to recover is really important.


In terms of burnout, helping them and allowing them to decrease sensory overload can really help. Things like not forcing them to make eye contact, being able to indulge in creative habits, like journaling and creative activities. Withdrawing from social activities, is also really helpful. That can be sort of counter intuitive to a lot of mental health advice, but when it comes to autistic burnout, it is actually a legitimate coping strategy for a lot of us.


We’ve been conditioned to just conform to society that we're very much not willing to really speak up or not have the ability to speak up and say we are struggling. That’s why the other person has to really read the signs and say, “actually I think you are struggling, let me take that load off you”.


I think being able to just share your feelings and feeling comfortable and safe to do so is the most important thing. And also being able to physically remove yourself from a situation, so you can just be at a distance from whatever is causing stress or  exhaustion. So my tip would be for people to allow and accomodate those things. And the other thing I think is accepting and acknowledging that this can happen for neurodivergent people and it can happen quite easily.

 

Thanks so much for joining us and providing some really helpful tips and information Rachel and Mathew.


Thanks for having us.


Find more conversation tips here.


If you or someone you know needs some extra support, visit our directory of national support and services here. For support at any time of day or night, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

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The recent incident in Sydney has left many feeling distressed and overwhelmed, and you may notice the children in your life are struggling too. Below, you’ll find advice from mental health experts on caring for your own wellbeing, and providing meaningful support to others in the days and weeks ahead. Talking to children about traumatic events Children are likely to have seen and heard distressing information about this incident. Ongoing news coverage, images and discussion can intensify feelings of anxiety, sadness and anger. The Child Mind Institute has published a practical guide to help parents and carers talk with children about traumatic events. The guide offers practical age-specific advice and has been developed by experts in child psychology, you can access this guide here . Events involving violence or serious harm can be especially difficult for children to understand or discuss. The guide focuses on helping children feel safe, supported and reassured, and encourages parents, carers or guardians to: Provide comfort and reassurance, including physical affection Remain calm and measured when discussing the event Maintain regular routines to restore a sense of normality Encourage play, connection and time with others Share honest, age-appropriate information from trusted sources Limit children’s exposure to news, especially younger children Listen patiently and validate children’s feelings Recognise that fear, anger, sadness or guilt are all normal reactions Looking after yourself, and supporting others Rachel Clements, R U OK? Advisor, and Director of Psychological Services at Centre for Corporate Health, said strong emotional reactions are normal and healthy for people of all ages following public acts of violence, even among those not directly impacted. “Some reactions that are incredibly normal are concern, shock, horror, disbelief. When that wears off sometimes, people experience stronger feelings, sometimes anger, despair, sadness, anxiety or fear-based behaviour."  Ms Clements advised that connecting with friends, sporting clubs, or workplace networks, and simply asking ‘are you OK?’, can play a key role in supporting people experiencing distress. "This event will disrupt the nervous system. One of the most important things we can do is stay connected, talk to each other and lean into supportive conversations,” Ms Clements said. She suggested starting a genuine conversation by asking questions such as: 'it's been tough watching this information coming to light, how are you feeling about it?’ “Then, all you’ve got to do is listen with empathy, without judgment or interruption, and just allow someone to talk about their experience and how they are feeling. When it is the right time in the conversation, you can then gently guide someone towards supportive actions, like doing some gentle exercise, staying connected with friends and family, or maintaining regular routines.” Ms Clements emphasised the importance of checking in again to ensure people have continued support. If you notice someone’s distress is ongoing for several weeks and begins to affect their work or social life, professional help should be encouraged. If you or the children in your care are experiencing ongoing distress, consider speaking with a doctor or another trusted healthcare provider. Free and professional 24/7counselling services are available, find contact details here . If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 000. Ask R U OK? Any Day.

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