Let's talk about mental health

hello • 16 October 2018

It's mental health month and we're encouraging more open conversations about our mental health

October is Mental Health Month and a good time for all of us to check in on our own mental health and wellbeing. It is also a good chance to learn how to look out for the people around you who might be struggling with their mental health and how that may be impacting them.


Mental health challenges don’t discriminate – they can affect anyone at any time. These challenges are something R U OK? Ambassador Commando Steve, has faced and been open about.


“Even to this day I’m dealing with my own issues,” says Commando Steve. “Life is tough — we all have our own demons and I’m no different to any other human being. Pain, suffering and fear is real, but it’s not unique. You might think someone has the perfect life, but do they? I deal with the same struggles as anybody else.”

So, what can you do if you are concerned someone you know is struggling with their mental health or finding life tough?

It all starts with a conversation. By asking “Are you OK?” and listening we can show our mates they don’t need to tackle their problems alone and reassure them that help is available.

“I’m willing to put my hand up and say, sometimes my life is hard, really hard and sometimes I don’t know which way is up — can somebody give me a hand?,’” Steve said.

“None of us have got it made and being honest with others can help lift you up a bit, give you hope and that honest conversation with someone can often be the difference between life and death for many people.”


Even if they’re not ready to talk, your concern shows them you’re open to discussing their mental health struggles – or any problems they’re going through – whenever they’re ready.


Here are some simple steps to help you have that conversation in a safe and caring way.

  1. Approach the conversation in a casual and informal manner and tone
  2. Make sure you are having the conversation in a quiet place, free from interruptions and where you cannot be overheard. The person needs to feel comfortable to talk.
  3. Start off with something like “I just want to check in with you and see how you are travelling? I have noticed a change in you in the last couple of weeks in that you don’t seem to be quite yourself. R U OK?
  4. Assume the role of the listener and listen without interruption or judgement
  5. Remember it’s not your role to fix the problem. However, it is important that you guide them towards a solution or further assistance. Gently encourage action to link the person in with some help such as a manager, trusted family member, General Practitioner or Counsellor
  6. After the chat, check in with them again. Keep up that connection and help them think about the things they find joy in. An open ear can be life changing and lets them know you’re there for them, going forward.

The conversations that really change lives are the ones where the person struggling feels they’re not being judged and know they’re not alone with their burden -whatever that may be. As Commando Steve says, “The one thing everyone can give is their time. Just listening and allowing that person to talk. Don’t worry about ‘fixing’ them, you may not have the answers, but just be a human being with another human being.”

So this mental health month, let’s take Commando Steve’s advice and start more open and honest conversations with anyone we’re worried about.

Find more conversation tips on the How to Ask page.

If you or a loved one need immediate support, Lifeline are available 24/7 on 13 11 14 and other supports can be found here.


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From growing up on farms to a shared interest in history, Australians, young and old, are discovering just how much they have in common, and how storytelling can connect generations in unexpected ways. What’s bringing them together is 'Heart and Soul Story', a social enterprise that fosters intergenerational connections. Through its programs, young people and older generations come together in aged care homes and schools to share stories, build life skills, and prevent loneliness. At a recent session which encouraged everyone to Ask R U OK? Any Day, students visited an aged-care community with R U OK? Conversation Bingo cards, which feature prompts to spark humour, curiosity, and connection.
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The recent incident in Sydney has left many feeling distressed and overwhelmed, and you may notice the children in your life are struggling too. Below, you’ll find advice from mental health experts on caring for your own wellbeing, and providing meaningful support to others in the days and weeks ahead. Talking to children about traumatic events Children are likely to have seen and heard distressing information about this incident. Ongoing news coverage, images and discussion can intensify feelings of anxiety, sadness and anger. The Child Mind Institute has published a practical guide to help parents and carers talk with children about traumatic events. The guide offers practical age-specific advice and has been developed by experts in child psychology, you can access this guide here . Events involving violence or serious harm can be especially difficult for children to understand or discuss. The guide focuses on helping children feel safe, supported and reassured, and encourages parents, carers or guardians to: Provide comfort and reassurance, including physical affection Remain calm and measured when discussing the event Maintain regular routines to restore a sense of normality Encourage play, connection and time with others Share honest, age-appropriate information from trusted sources Limit children’s exposure to news, especially younger children Listen patiently and validate children’s feelings Recognise that fear, anger, sadness or guilt are all normal reactions Looking after yourself, and supporting others Rachel Clements, R U OK? Advisor, and Director of Psychological Services at Centre for Corporate Health, said strong emotional reactions are normal and healthy for people of all ages following public acts of violence, even among those not directly impacted. “Some reactions that are incredibly normal are concern, shock, horror, disbelief. When that wears off sometimes, people experience stronger feelings, sometimes anger, despair, sadness, anxiety or fear-based behaviour."  Ms Clements advised that connecting with friends, sporting clubs, or workplace networks, and simply asking ‘are you OK?’, can play a key role in supporting people experiencing distress. "This event will disrupt the nervous system. One of the most important things we can do is stay connected, talk to each other and lean into supportive conversations,” Ms Clements said. She suggested starting a genuine conversation by asking questions such as: 'it's been tough watching this information coming to light, how are you feeling about it?’ “Then, all you’ve got to do is listen with empathy, without judgment or interruption, and just allow someone to talk about their experience and how they are feeling. When it is the right time in the conversation, you can then gently guide someone towards supportive actions, like doing some gentle exercise, staying connected with friends and family, or maintaining regular routines.” Ms Clements emphasised the importance of checking in again to ensure people have continued support. If you notice someone’s distress is ongoing for several weeks and begins to affect their work or social life, professional help should be encouraged. If you or the children in your care are experiencing ongoing distress, consider speaking with a doctor or another trusted healthcare provider. Free and professional 24/7counselling services are available, find contact details here . If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 000. Ask R U OK? Any Day.
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This year, Australians continued to grow their confidence and capability to ask, 'are you OK?' any day of the year - reminding us how real connection and meaningful conversations can happen in the most ordinary, everyday moments. Across every age and stage of life, people helped normalise these important check-ins by looking out for one another, reducing stigma, and driving genuine change. Thanks to our supporters, awareness continues to expand in schools, workplaces, sporting clubs, and communities in every corner of Australia. Thank you to everyone who started conversations, and to everyone who supported the mission and work of R U OK?. Below is a short video which shares a glimpse of the activity made possible through collaboration. *Voice-over by former-CEO, Katherine Newton.
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