Using ALEC to provide relationship support

hello • 7 November 2018

A relationship breakdown is amongst one of the hardest things someone can face. Doing so without the support of friends and family is something we can all make sure doesn't happen.

So you’ve heard a mate is going through a tough breakup? What can you do next to support them? What do you say? As a friend, you’re in a great position to help them move forward and heal from the breakup; here’s how to ALEC (Ask, Listen, Encourage Action and Check in) to support a mate through a break up:


Ask :

If you’ve ever been through a break up you know how easy it can be to put on a tough façade and tell everyone you’re ok, even if you’re struggling on the inside. If you have a mate who’s facing a relationship breakdown, ask if they are doing OK? Ask if there’s anything they need. Chances are they’ll say they’re fine. Ask again. Let them know you care and there for them if and when they need a listening ear.


Listen:

Let them know it’s ok to get emotional, and when they do, support them for opening up. Sharing emotions with friends, family, or a counsellor can really help provide mental clarity when dealing with a breakup. Speaking openly and accepting what’s going on is an extremely important part of moving forward. Having someone there to listen is a really powerful reminder that someone does care.


Remind them whilst the distress they are feeling at this point in time may be overwhelming, it won’t be permanent, and having a plan and support network is a great way of handling the distress.


Encourage action:

There are an overwhelming amount of things you can suggest to help a friend get through a break up. One of the most important things to do is remind them that getting better takes time. Here are some other helpful things you can suggest:

  • Encourage a positive inner dialogue – replacing pessimistic thoughts with positive thoughts.

  • Encourage physical well being – eating healthy, exercising and getting appropriate sleep can all greatly enhance the mood of someone going through a hard time.

  • Encourage and support them to experiment! Finding what helps through a break up can differ immensely for everyone – they won’t know what helps until they try it.


Check in:

If it’s been a while since you first reached out and you’re not sure how they’re coping since you first tried to help, check in. Being promised support after a break up helps them with a positive outlook, having a mate follow through with the promise reinforce the message of support and power of a positive outlook. Give them a ring and organise a catch up!


If you’re supporting a friend through a break up and need some extra support or advice there are a number of great organisations who can help.

  • MensLine – national telephone and online support, information and referral service for men with family and relationship concerns ( https://mensline.org.au )

  • Beyond Blue – provide information and support to help everyone in Australia achieve their best mental health ( https://www.beyondblue.org.au )


14 December 2025
The recent incident in Sydney has left many feeling distressed and overwhelmed, and you may notice the children in your life are struggling too. Below, you’ll find advice from mental health experts on caring for your own wellbeing, and providing meaningful support to others in the days and weeks ahead. Talking to children about traumatic events Children are likely to have seen and heard distressing information about this incident. Ongoing news coverage, images and discussion can intensify feelings of anxiety, sadness and anger. The Child Mind Institute has published a practical guide to help parents and carers talk with children about traumatic events. The guide offers practical age-specific advice and has been developed by experts in child psychology, you can access this guide here . Events involving violence or serious harm can be especially difficult for children to understand or discuss. The guide focuses on helping children feel safe, supported and reassured, and encourages parents, carers or guardians to: Provide comfort and reassurance, including physical affection Remain calm and measured when discussing the event Maintain regular routines to restore a sense of normality Encourage play, connection and time with others Share honest, age-appropriate information from trusted sources Limit children’s exposure to news, especially younger children Listen patiently and validate children’s feelings Recognise that fear, anger, sadness or guilt are all normal reactions Looking after yourself, and supporting others Rachel Clements, R U OK? Advisor, and Director of Psychological Services at Centre for Corporate Health, said strong emotional reactions are normal and healthy for people of all ages following public acts of violence, even among those not directly impacted. “Some reactions that are incredibly normal are concern, shock, horror, disbelief. When that wears off sometimes, people experience stronger feelings, sometimes anger, despair, sadness, anxiety or fear-based behaviour."  Ms Clements advised that connecting with friends, sporting clubs, or workplace networks, and simply asking ‘are you OK?’, can play a key role in supporting people experiencing distress. "This event will disrupt the nervous system. One of the most important things we can do is stay connected, talk to each other and lean into supportive conversations,” Ms Clements said. She suggested starting a genuine conversation by asking questions such as: 'it's been tough watching this information coming to light, how are you feeling about it?’ “Then, all you’ve got to do is listen with empathy, without judgment or interruption, and just allow someone to talk about their experience and how they are feeling. When it is the right time in the conversation, you can then gently guide someone towards supportive actions, like doing some gentle exercise, staying connected with friends and family, or maintaining regular routines.” Ms Clements emphasised the importance of checking in again to ensure people have continued support. If you notice someone’s distress is ongoing for several weeks and begins to affect their work or social life, professional help should be encouraged. If you or the children in your care are experiencing ongoing distress, consider speaking with a doctor or another trusted healthcare provider. Free and professional 24/7counselling services are available, find contact details here . If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 000. Ask R U OK? Any Day.
11 December 2025
This year, Australians continued to grow their confidence and capability to ask, 'are you OK?' any day of the year - reminding us how real connection and meaningful conversations can happen in the most ordinary, everyday moments. Across every age and stage of life, people helped normalise these important check-ins by looking out for one another, reducing stigma, and driving genuine change. Thanks to our supporters, awareness continues to expand in schools, workplaces, sporting clubs, and communities in every corner of Australia. Thank you to everyone who started conversations, and to everyone who supported the mission and work of R U OK?. Below is a short video which shares a glimpse of the activity made possible through collaboration. *Voice-over by former-CEO, Katherine Newton.
10 December 2025
From growing up on farms to a shared interest in history, Australians, young and old, are discovering just how much they have in common, and how storytelling can connect generations in unexpected ways. What’s bringing them together is 'Heart and Soul Story', a social enterprise that fosters intergenerational connections. Through its programs, young people and older generations come together in aged care homes and schools to share stories, build life skills, and prevent loneliness. At a recent session which encouraged everyone to Ask R U OK? Any Day, students visited an aged-care community with R U OK? Conversation Bingo cards, which feature prompts to spark humour, curiosity, and connection.
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