Mother's Day can be tough - here's how to support someone

hello • 10 May 2020

 

For many, Mother's Day is a moment to celebrate the mums and mother figures who have made an impact on our lives. But for some, it can be a tough day. Grief, divorce or separation, relationship issues, absence, painful or unresolved feelings are just a few of the things that can make this a difficult day.


If you know Mother's Day is going to bring up tough emotions for yourself, a friend or a loved one, it can help to talk about it and have a self-care plan in place.

 

This Mother’s Day keep an eye out for the signs that could indicate someone is finding it tough or might need some extra support.

 

What are the signs someone might be having a tough time this Mother's Day? Ask yourself,

 

Do they seem:

 

  • Moody?
  • Unable to switch off?
  • Concerned about the future?
  • Concerned they're a burden?
  • Lonely or lacking self-esteem?
  • Concerned they're trapped or in pain?

 

Are they:

 

  • Experiencing mood swings?
  • Becoming withdrawn?
  • Changing their online behaviour?
  • Losing interest in what they used to love?
  • Unable to concentrate?
  • Less interested in their appearance and personal hygiene?
  • Behaving recklessly?

 

Are they experiencing:

 

  • Relationship issues?
  • Major health issues?
  • Constant stress?
  • Financial difficulty?
  • The loss of someone or something they care about?

 

If you feel like something's not quite the same with someone you know - trust that gut instinct and take the time to ask them "Are you OK?". By reaching out to anyone you think might be struggling with the day, you can show them they're supported and encourage them to access help if it's needed.

 

Make time for a meaningful conversation

 

You don't need to be an expert to reach out to someone and ask R U OK? – just a good friend and a great listener. If you know that someone is likely to struggle on Mother's Day, or you have a gut feeling that something is not right, start a conversation and let them know you're there for them.

 

How to ask R U OK?

 

Follow our four steps to have a conversation that could change a life but remember if the conversation is too big for you to take on alone, contact a professional through the 'Find Help' page on the R U OK? website.

 

Step 1: Ask R U OK?

 

  • Be relaxed, friendly and concerned in your approach.
  • Help them open up by asking questions like "How are you going?" or "What's been happening?"
  • Mention specific things that have made you concerned for them, like "You seem less chatty than usual. How are you going?"

 

Step 2: Listen without judgement

 

  • Take what they say seriously and don't interrupt or rush the conversation.
  • Don't judge their experiences or reactions but acknowledge that things seem tough for them.
  • If they need time to think, sit patiently with the silence.
  • Encourage them to explain: "How are you feeling about that?" or "How long have you felt that way?"
  • Show that you've listened by repeating back what you've heard (in your own words) and ask if you have understood them properly.

 

Step 3: Encourage action

 

  • Ask: "What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?"
  • Ask: "How would you like me to support you?"
  • Ask: "What's something you can do for yourself right now? Something enjoyable or relaxing?"
  • You could say: "When I was going through a difficult time, I tried this... You might find it useful too."
  • If they've been feeling down for more than two weeks, encourage them to see a health professional. You could say, "It might be useful to link in with someone who can support you. I'm happy to assist you in finding the right person to talk to."
  • Be positive about the role of professionals in getting through tough times.

 

Step 4: Check in

 

  • Pop a reminder in your diary to call them in a couple of weeks. If they're struggling, follow up with them sooner.
  • You could say: "I've been thinking of you and wanted to know how you've been going since we last chatted."
  • Ask if they've found a better way to manage the situation. If they haven't done anything, don't judge them. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment.
  • Stay in touch and be there for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference.

 

Help in a crisis

 

If you or a loved one need support, Lifeline can provide a listening ear and telephone crisis support 24/7 on 13 11 14.

 

You can find other support services here.

 

Caring for yourself and others following traumatic events

14 December 2025
The recent incident in Sydney has left many feeling distressed and overwhelmed, and you may notice the children in your life are struggling too. Below, you’ll find advice from mental health experts on caring for your own wellbeing, and providing meaningful support to others in the days and weeks ahead. Talking to children about traumatic events Children are likely to have seen and heard distressing information about this incident. Ongoing news coverage, images and discussion can intensify feelings of anxiety, sadness and anger. The Child Mind Institute has published a practical guide to help parents and carers talk with children about traumatic events. The guide offers practical age-specific advice and has been developed by experts in child psychology, you can access this guide here . Events involving violence or serious harm can be especially difficult for children to understand or discuss. The guide focuses on helping children feel safe, supported and reassured, and encourages parents, carers or guardians to: Provide comfort and reassurance, including physical affection Remain calm and measured when discussing the event Maintain regular routines to restore a sense of normality Encourage play, connection and time with others Share honest, age-appropriate information from trusted sources Limit children’s exposure to news, especially younger children Listen patiently and validate children’s feelings Recognise that fear, anger, sadness or guilt are all normal reactions Looking after yourself, and supporting others Rachel Clements, R U OK? Advisor, and Director of Psychological Services at Centre for Corporate Health, said strong emotional reactions are normal and healthy for people of all ages following public acts of violence, even among those not directly impacted. “Some reactions that are incredibly normal are concern, shock, horror, disbelief. When that wears off sometimes, people experience stronger feelings, sometimes anger, despair, sadness, anxiety or fear-based behaviour."  Ms Clements advised that connecting with friends, sporting clubs, or workplace networks, and simply asking ‘are you OK?’, can play a key role in supporting people experiencing distress. "This event will disrupt the nervous system. One of the most important things we can do is stay connected, talk to each other and lean into supportive conversations,” Ms Clements said. She suggested starting a genuine conversation by asking questions such as: 'it's been tough watching this information coming to light, how are you feeling about it?’ “Then, all you’ve got to do is listen with empathy, without judgment or interruption, and just allow someone to talk about their experience and how they are feeling. When it is the right time in the conversation, you can then gently guide someone towards supportive actions, like doing some gentle exercise, staying connected with friends and family, or maintaining regular routines.” Ms Clements emphasised the importance of checking in again to ensure people have continued support. If you notice someone’s distress is ongoing for several weeks and begins to affect their work or social life, professional help should be encouraged. If you or the children in your care are experiencing ongoing distress, consider speaking with a doctor or another trusted healthcare provider. Free and professional 24/7counselling services are available, find contact details here . If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 000. Ask R U OK? Any Day.

2025 with R U OK?

11 December 2025
This year, Australians continued to grow their confidence and capability to ask, 'are you OK?' any day of the year - reminding us how real connection and meaningful conversations can happen in the most ordinary, everyday moments. Across every age and stage of life, people helped normalise these important check-ins by looking out for one another, reducing stigma, and driving genuine change. Thanks to our supporters, awareness continues to expand in schools, workplaces, sporting clubs, and communities in every corner of Australia. Thank you to everyone who started conversations, and to everyone who supported the mission and work of R U OK?. Below is a short video which shares a glimpse of the activity made possible through collaboration. *Voice-over by former-CEO, Katherine Newton.

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From growing up on farms to a shared interest in history, Australians, young and old, are discovering just how much they have in common, and how storytelling can connect generations in unexpected ways. What’s bringing them together is 'Heart and Soul Story', a social enterprise that fosters intergenerational connections. Through its programs, young people and older generations come together in aged care homes and schools to share stories, build life skills, and prevent loneliness. At a recent session which encouraged everyone to Ask R U OK? Any Day, students visited an aged-care community with R U OK? Conversation Bingo cards, which feature prompts to spark humour, curiosity, and connection.
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