When was the last time you stopped to chat to someone in your community?
Combatting loneliness through connection
Lisa lost her mother to suicide in 1988. The profound impact of losing someone close to her set Lisa on a path to better understand mental health and how to approach difficult conversations. Lisa is an R U OK? community ambassador and dedicates her days to bringing the Woolgoolga community together to talk about life’s ups and downs and normalise checking in. Lisa believes in the power of community and her hope is that everyone living in Woolgoolga has the confidence to start a life-changing conversation.
I was chatting to a friend the other day and he said he went for a run and he got lost. He asked someone for directions back to his hotel and the guy responded, ‘I’m not interested’ and walked off.
You might be reading this thinking ‘that’s happened to me too!’ or ‘oops, I’ve done that to someone before’. No judgement because more likely than not we’ve all had this moment but I think it highlights two things; very rarely do we chat to ‘strangers’ in our community and because we are on autopilot, moving through the motions, we don’t stop to listen before we respond in conversation.
But what would happen if we all paused and took a moment to reflect on how our actions could make a positive difference?
Think of how many people you walk by on your morning or evening stroll, your commute to work or your quick drop-in to the local cafe. You might notice the same people every day. Some could be lonely, some could be having the hardest day of their life and one may even be thinking about suicide.
In 1988 my mum took her life.
Back then we knew very little about suicide or mental health issues, no one spoke about it. I had an inkling that something wasn’t OK, but I was too scared to ask her because I didn’t know what to say next. No words can describe the pain of losing your mum.
I have now made it my mission to bring community together and provide opportunities for connection in the hope that it may lead to life-changing conversations. I live in a small town called Woolgoolga, on the mid north coast of NSW. Every Friday morning a group of us head to a spot on the beach, dressed in bright colours, and just catch up. We’ve famously named ourselves the ‘Fluro Friday Group’. It’s especially had a positive impact on senior Australians in our area. A lot of older people live alone or are retired - it’s a great way for them to meet new people and form connections in their local community.
It’s wonderful watching everyone mingle, laugh and be there for one another. There are days when I feel lonely but turning up to Fluro Fridays boosts my mood and changes my mindset for the rest of the day.
The Woolgoolga community is pretty special. Building that support network has taken time but it’s well worth the effort. I like to think the small but consistent events we hold are a constant reminder to everyone that they’re not alone.
Fluro Friday crew
Fluro Friday crew
Weekly catch ups
Weekly catch ups
Starting conversations has been a learning curve for me, and I’m still learning. But two pieces of wisdom I have gained along the way are:
Say hi or simply smile at the people you walk by. Better yet, ask how their day is going. You could be the only person they speak to for the rest of the day.
If you notice a change in someone, check-in. Forget about how awkward you might feel and shift your focus to the difference you could make. I know it’s scary to ask R U OK? because if the person says they aren’t OK, you might not know what to say next. But you don’t have to know what to say next. You really just have to listen and care about what they’re saying.
Lisa Nichols, Community Ambassador for R U OK?
Lisa Nichols, Community Ambassador for R U OK?
The power of connection
We spoke to a few people from the Woolgoolga community who attend the events Lisa organises and asked how the opportunity for connection has impacted their life.
“Every Friday we get together and people walking past will come up and ask us what we’re doing because we’re all dressed colourfully. It opens up the conversation and allows new people to join in and connect. It’s a good mix of people – from young to middle age to older people.”
“I’ve got no family here, and I live alone, so my fluro family is perfect.”
“I love the relaxed nature and friendliness of the events. People are genuinely interested in each other.”
Margie & Valerie
Margie & Valerie
Making conversation apart of your everyday
We asked senior Australians how they show people they care and make starting conversations apart of their everyday.
“I walk everyday, and I say hello to everybody. Even though people put their head down, I still do it, and eventually they respond and say good morning back. It actually means the world to some of them because they don’t talk to anybody else. It might be their only conversation for the day.”
“Without talking, you don’t understand what’s going on in other people’s lives. I make sure I take an interest in people so that they know if they’re ever in a tough spot, I’m here to listen.”
The crew!
The crew!
"Community is very important for a small town. It's the glue that holds a town together."
- Rob
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