A personal account of depression and what you need to remember

hello • 27 February 2017


Alex Phillips is an R U OK? supporter and the founder and editor of The Banter Press – a series of thoughts, reflections, soulful advice and general banter for conquering your twenties and beyond.

This article first appeared on The Banter Press.

Depression is an unforgiving force that will strangle the life out of you if you allow it to. There was a time in my life when I could not catch my breath. I was drowning in a pool of toxic thoughts, existing only in the physical form. The incessant current of negativity shooting through my veins made for a very confusing couple of years. I felt as though my tears were unjustified and my problems insignificant. Any attempt to decipher this wretched onslaught of emotion would involve listing anything remotely negative in my life, a harmful tactic employed to justify the seemingly irrational flood of tears. Of course, this only provoked a vicious cycle, one that has taken me years to reverse. Every now and then, it will resurface, ready to trap me in my moments of vulnerability. Fortunately, I’m stronger now (mentally) and able to fight off the demons that attempt to latch on and demolish my spirit. If you’re battling similar demons, you need to remember that you are not alone. Secondly, you need to believe that there is a way out of the trenches you’ve fallen into.


The inexplicable string of emotions, the feelings of disconnect, the assumption that nobody will understand what you’re going through - this is the reality for 3 million Australians who suffer from depression and anxiety. You are not alone in this battle. There is an enormous ecosystem of support available to you, ready to uproot you from the darkness that is currently obstructing your view of the future.


Talking through your feelings, regardless of how painful it may be, is the only way you’re going to soothe your soul and plant those seeds of positivity. It is impossible to gain perspective when the same toxic thoughts are circulating around and poisoning your mindset. My policy is to cry it out and talk it out - it is the first step to dissolving those feelings of isolation and lightening the burden. The monumental wave of relief that flows from an honest conversation is truly liberating. I’m no longer afraid to share my story, in fact, I consider it the best form of therapy.


Remember that you are strong and resilient and you will survive this seemingly endless rough patch - it does not have to bleed into the rest of your life. I know that some days can feel like a complete write-off, but there is a bright future that lies ahead of you and surrounding yourself with a powerful network of support is the best way to unlock that future.


If someone you know is one of the 3 million and you’d like to help them share their story, R U OK? encourages you to start the conversation using these 4 steps:

1. Ask R U OK?

2. Listen; without judgement

3. Encourage action

4. Check in


If you or someone you know is in need of crisis support, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au/gethelp.

You can find other support services on R U OK?'s Find Help page.





Nazik, in a yellow t shirt, at an R U OK? event.

Connection helped Nazik adapt to a new life - now she's giving back

18 March 2026
With Harmony Week highlighting the importance of belonging, Nazik’s story of overcoming adversity shows how connection can shape a life.

Connecting generations through conversation and storytelling

3 February 2026
From growing up on farms to a shared interest in history, Australians, young and old, are discovering just how much they have in common, and how storytelling can connect generations in unexpected ways. What’s bringing them together is 'Heart and Soul Story', a social enterprise that fosters intergenerational connections. Through its programs, young people and older generations come together in aged care homes and schools to share stories, build life skills, and prevent loneliness. At a recent session which encouraged everyone to Ask R U OK? Any Day, students visited an aged-care community with R U OK? Conversation Bingo cards, which feature prompts to spark humour, curiosity, and connection.

Caring for yourself and others following traumatic events

14 December 2025
The recent incident in Sydney has left many feeling distressed and overwhelmed, and you may notice the children in your life are struggling too. Below, you’ll find advice from mental health experts on caring for your own wellbeing, and providing meaningful support to others in the days and weeks ahead. Talking to children about traumatic events Children are likely to have seen and heard distressing information about this incident. Ongoing news coverage, images and discussion can intensify feelings of anxiety, sadness and anger. The Child Mind Institute has published a practical guide to help parents and carers talk with children about traumatic events. The guide offers practical age-specific advice and has been developed by experts in child psychology, you can access this guide here . Events involving violence or serious harm can be especially difficult for children to understand or discuss. The guide focuses on helping children feel safe, supported and reassured, and encourages parents, carers or guardians to: Provide comfort and reassurance, including physical affection Remain calm and measured when discussing the event Maintain regular routines to restore a sense of normality Encourage play, connection and time with others Share honest, age-appropriate information from trusted sources Limit children’s exposure to news, especially younger children Listen patiently and validate children’s feelings Recognise that fear, anger, sadness or guilt are all normal reactions Looking after yourself, and supporting others Rachel Clements, R U OK? Advisor, and Director of Psychological Services at Centre for Corporate Health, said strong emotional reactions are normal and healthy for people of all ages following public acts of violence, even among those not directly impacted. “Some reactions that are incredibly normal are concern, shock, horror, disbelief. When that wears off sometimes, people experience stronger feelings, sometimes anger, despair, sadness, anxiety or fear-based behaviour."  Ms Clements advised that connecting with friends, sporting clubs, or workplace networks, and simply asking ‘are you OK?’, can play a key role in supporting people experiencing distress. "This event will disrupt the nervous system. One of the most important things we can do is stay connected, talk to each other and lean into supportive conversations,” Ms Clements said. She suggested starting a genuine conversation by asking questions such as: 'it's been tough watching this information coming to light, how are you feeling about it?’ “Then, all you’ve got to do is listen with empathy, without judgment or interruption, and just allow someone to talk about their experience and how they are feeling. When it is the right time in the conversation, you can then gently guide someone towards supportive actions, like doing some gentle exercise, staying connected with friends and family, or maintaining regular routines.” Ms Clements emphasised the importance of checking in again to ensure people have continued support. If you notice someone’s distress is ongoing for several weeks and begins to affect their work or social life, professional help should be encouraged. If you or the children in your care are experiencing ongoing distress, consider speaking with a doctor or another trusted healthcare provider. Free and professional 24/7counselling services are available, find contact details here . If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 000. Ask R U OK? Any Day.
Show More