Sometimes the helper needs help
I found myself in a particularly dark place at the beginning of this year. Somewhere I have never been before.
Initially the challenge I faced was circumstantial, but over time it wore me down. Consuming the way I thought, felt and behaved.
I went from a very active, positive, bubbly and extroverted person to someone who wasn’t motivated or eating well, not wanting to be around groups and avoiding public settings.
I even struggled to be around my closest friends, because I felt I couldn’t contribute to the conversation with so many distractions going on in my head.
For the past ten years I had been supporting others as a nurse, frontline health worker, coach and mental health spokesperson. Now I found myself in the position where I was the one needing support.
Rach at Toyko Olympic games
Rach at Toyko Olympic games
Rach in R U OK? clothes
Rach in R U OK? clothes
Rach in nurse scrubs
Rach in nurse scrubs
Rach coaching
Rach coaching
I can honestly say that it isn’t easy – admitting you’re doing it tough and letting people in to help.
But for me, what made it so much easier was the way my friends, supporters, family and everyone around me paid attention to the changes in my personality and behaviour and checked in.
They didn’t rely on me coming to them.
It wasn’t just once, it was regularly, and they were quite direct in asking “are you ok?”. Being asked often gave me the license and confidence to finally say, “no, I’m not”. For the first time in my life, I was having to practice what I preach. I had to be honest with myself and those around me, in order to overcome the challenges I was facing.
Rach and her best mates
Beyond asking, the moments that helped the most were when they allowed me to just get everything off my chest by listening, or they invited me out to do something that didn’t involve a lot of conversation.
Because sometimes being in the company of another person was all I needed.
Rach and her Mum
We’d go for walks or bike rides – nothing beats getting fresh air and exercise is incredibly important to me. It really helped bring back my motivation and love for training too.
Rach and her best mates
Rach and her best mates
Rach and her Mum
Rach and her Mum
A particular moment that has stuck with me was when a few friends and family asked me directly if I was contemplating taking my life.
I know from my work within the mental health space, that this can be one of the toughest questions to ask someone and respond to. Thankfully I wasn’t experiencing suicidal thoughts, but the fact they were brave enough to ask made me feel incredibly proud and lucky.
There did come a point where I required professional help. But even then, my friends continue to surround me with support – they knew I still needed loved ones to keep me on track.
Because they rode the waves with me, 6 months on, I am feeling like myself again.
You may not realise it at the time, but every moment you check in with someone you’re worried about, you’re building up their confidence to get the help they need.
It may take time, but knowing they have people around them, like I did, helps bring light into the dark place they’re in.
Written by Rachael Lynch
Rachael is a veteran Hockeyroo and Olympic champion, playing over 230 games for Australia and recently returning from the 2021 Tokyo Olympic games. Off the pitch, Rachael works as a registered nurse, front line health worker, runs STOMP Goalkeeping and is very active promoting mental health awareness as an ambassador for R U OK?.
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