Having an R U OK? conversation online or over text

With limits on face-to-face gatherings and difficulties travelling due to COVID-19, there has been an increase in the number of people connecting online and over the phone. While these are convenient platforms to stay in touch with friends and loved ones, they can present a range of challenges when having an R U OK? conversation.

We spoke with Debra Brodowski, National Manager of Psychological Services at the Centre for Corporate Health, who shared some tips on navigating an R U OK? conversation online or over text.

Research shows that a large amount of our communication is non-verbal, so when we’re in a face-to-face conversation with someone, we register many subtle non-verbal cues in their appearance and body language.

“The majority of our communication is made up of our non-verbal cues, as well as the manner in which we say something - our tone, pace of speech... This is much harder to interpret when we are in a screen-to-screen situation and therefore, we need to be more effortful and intentional in the manner in which we message a conversation, as well as interpreting the response,” Debra said.

Debra explained that an R U OK? conversation online or over text is challenging as what is being said can be misinterpreted easily.

“We need to spend more time making sure that the message is delivered in a way that is clear and understood, and then taking the time to hear, understand, and interpret the response to the message we deliver. If a conversation starts on text, where possible, moving it to a virtual or phone-based discussion is recommended.”

Sometimes, for whatever reason, it’s not possible to move an R U OK? conversation to a phone call or face-to-face discussion. If this is the case, there are a few considerations and ways to work around the challenges. 

“It's really important to take the time to be clear in our own minds what we want to message in the conversation, and how we deliver that message so that it is understood. This can take the form of writing down some bullet points, scripting the messages, thinking about possible questions or reactions and providing some response to these,” Debra said.

“If you’re still unsure, take the time to role play with someone you trust to ensure that your message is clear. This will help you build confidence and troubleshoot any potentially jarring points of discussion.”

If you or your loved one are feeling overwhelmed or need immediate support you can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the services at www.ruok.org.au/findhelp

Learn when and how to ask R U OK? at www.ruok.org.au/how-to-ask