Having an R U OK? conversation online or over text
hello • 20 October 2020
With limits on face-to-face gatherings and difficulties travelling due to COVID-19, there has been an increase in the number of people connecting online and over the phone. While these are convenient platforms to stay in touch with friends and loved ones, they can present a range of challenges when having an R U OK? conversation.
We spoke with Debra Brodowski, National Manager of Psychological Services at the Centre for Corporate Health, who shared some tips on navigating an R U OK? conversation online or over text.
Research shows that a large amount of our communication is non-verbal, so when we’re in a face-to-face conversation with someone, we register many subtle non-verbal cues in their appearance and body language.
“The majority of our communication is made up of our non-verbal cues, as well as the manner in which we say something - our tone, pace of speech... This is much harder to interpret when we are in a screen-to-screen situation and therefore, we need to be more effortful and intentional in the manner in which we message a conversation, as well as interpreting the response,” Debra said.
Debra explained that an R U OK? conversation online or over text is challenging as what is being said can be misinterpreted easily.
“We need to spend more time making sure that the message is delivered in a way that is clear and understood, and then taking the time to hear, understand, and interpret the response to the message we deliver. If a conversation starts on text, where possible, moving it to a virtual or phone-based discussion is recommended.”
Sometimes, for whatever reason, it’s not possible to move an R U OK? conversation to a phone call or face-to-face discussion. If this is the case, there are a few considerations and ways to work around the challenges.
“It's really important to take the time to be clear in our own minds what we want to message in the conversation, and how we deliver that message so that it is understood. This can take the form of writing down some bullet points, scripting the messages, thinking about possible questions or reactions and providing some response to these,” Debra said.
“If you’re still unsure, take the time to role play with someone you trust to ensure that your message is clear. This will help you build confidence and troubleshoot any potentially jarring points of discussion.”
If you or your loved one are feeling overwhelmed or need immediate support you can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the services at www.ruok.org.au/findhelp
Learn when and how to ask R U OK? at www.ruok.org.au/how-to-ask
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After ten years of teamwork, partnerships, growth, and countless conversations, I will be stepping down as CEO from 1 December 2025. It has been an extraordinary privilege to contribute to the growth of this movement and to witness meaningful change before my eyes. Gavin Larkin founded R U OK? because he believed conversation has the power to change lives. One seemingly simple question, when asked with genuine intent and care, can start a meaningful and sometimes complex conversation. And that’s what Gavin wanted. For people to look beyond responses of “I’m fine” or “All good” and ask, “Are you really OK?”. The notion of going deeper with conversations, of asking a second time, of trusting our guts and moving past our hesitation - is being grasped and moving beyond one day to any day. Whilst saying “G’day how are you?” will always be a greeting - we can do more. When Gavin lost his father to suicide he wanted to try and protect other families from the pain his endured. He wanted to get people talking and having real chats about how they’re feeling with their mates, their family and their colleagues. In locker rooms, lunch rooms, and lounge rooms across the nation. But he approached it from a different angle. Gavin wanted all of us to have the confidence to support the people we care about who might be struggling with life. To make conversations a natural part of our behaviour, to openly show our signals of support. So as R U OK? generations continue to evolve, my chapter is coming to a close. How fortunate I am to have been part of the story. From hesitant glances during presentations in 2015 to queues of people waiting for a conversation in 2025. From yellow wigs in the office, to welcoming yellow-swathed Ambassadors to share their lived experience. From yellow coffee cups in a café, to yellow cars driving into communities nationwide. And yes, there’s been a few cupcakes along the way. Social change is happening, and we are all a part of it. No one organisation can prevent suicide, no one individual can save everyone - but the power of many can make a difference.
