Moments that matter
I was sitting with my cousin who I hadn’t seen in a few years. No reason, other than life getting in the way at both ends.
“You know”, I said, “I think of you with every (mental health) speech I give.”
Mel was one of the few people who always made me feel valued. She helped me stay connected and forget the surreal life I was living during three years of crippling agoraphobia, where panic attacks ruled my life.
It was a time of immense isolation and despair.
It was a time I was moments away from taking my life.
Not only would she regularly call for a chat when I had little to say, but she would give me parcels with craft items, so that I could focus on productive activities during my long days alone.
I continued, “I don’t think I would be here today without your support.”
She was clearly overwhelmed and started to well with tears. I don’t think she really had any idea how much her actions had impacted me.
That’s the thing.
You may do a kind gesture and not think much of it afterwards.
But these gestures can be the difference between someone feeling alone and not.
And that can be the difference between hanging on rather than slipping into crisis.
I can only speak for myself, but these moments are also memories that build resilience when I start to dip mentally. They remind me to cling on because I have evidence that people do care about me.
Moments like:
Megan and Andrea
- Andrea, who would drive an hour to sit and chat with me at my family home
- Andy, who picked me up one Saturday morning and took me to his place for the weekend, so I wasn’t left alone when I was having suicidal thoughts.
Megan and Emily
- Faye, who would call to chat when she knew I’d be home alone.
Megan and her Mum
- Mum, who would call every single day after I started living on my own, regardless of her day, because she knew my anxiety-brain would be heightened if I didn’t have a check-in.
Megan and her sister Lisa
- Lisa, who happily stands at the back of gigs with me, so I feel less anxious.
- Emily, who will call me when I don’t reply to a text knowing it’s out of character.
- Jacqui, who flew from Sydney to Melbourne R U OK? Day because she wanted to see me do a presentation.
Tweet by former AFL player Corey McKernan
- The former AFL player who posted a picture on his socials because he knew it would cheer me up after he heard me crying earlier in the day.
- The journo who offered to call me when he noticed I wasn’t doing well in a social media DM.
- My Gran, who, a year before she passed away, sent me a card with money and a note saying “just because”.
Megan presenting for R U OK?
Megan and Andrea
Megan and Andrea
Megan and her Mum
Megan and her Mum
Megan and her sister Lisa
Megan and her sister Lisa
Megan and Emily
Megan and Emily
Megan presenting for R U OK?
Megan presenting for R U OK?
Tweet by former AFL player Corey McKernan
Tweet by former AFL player Corey McKernan
Mel and I make a point of seeing each other in person more regularly these days.
The last time, in between Melbourne lockdowns, we were strolling along our favourite shopping strip.
“Oh, I’ve got something for you!” She stopped and pulled out of her pocket - a small heart-shaped quartz crystal. “I’ve been holding it in my pocket to give it extra energy. It’s for love.”
Another moment she’ll think little of.
But that quartz sits on the tv cabinet in my living room.
And it’s a constant and visual reminder I am loved, I matter and I am ok.
Written by Megan Barrow
Megan Barrow is a self-employed marketing consultant and proudly volunteers as an R U OK? Community Ambassador. With her lived experience of anxiety, agoraphobia and depression, she's committed to reducing the stigma around mental health issues and teaching the power of connections and conversations.
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