Experts answer your curly conversation questions: Part 1

Morgan Rossi • 26 July 2016
Alan and Kim

To equip more people with the skills to ask “Are you ok?” and respond appropriately whatever the answer, R U OK? recently hosted a live Q&A on our Facebook page . Our online community were able to ask experts Kim Borrowdale (Deputy CEO for Suicide Prevention Australia ) and Alan Woodward (Director of Lifeline’s Research Foundation) questions about how to start the conversation, get past a mate’s bravado, and provide ongoing support. Read their responses below.


Q: What are some of the warning signs someone might be struggling or reaching crisis point?

Alan:

There are three things to watch out for. Firstly, someone might actually tell you that they’re struggling or feeling in crisis. So, listen carefully to what people say because sometimes what they say will give you a good clue. Secondly, watch and see how the person’s going. Are they behaving differently to how they usually do? Is there something that surprised you about what they’ve said or done in the last day or two? Perhaps they’ve done something that’s completely out of character. Thirdly, be sensitive to the emotions that someone’s displaying, particularly if the person’s showing intense emotion. It might be a sign if a person is suddenly very angry, very upset or possibly exhibiting great sorrow when you weren’t expecting that. So, listen to what someone has to say, watch what they’re doing and saying, and be receptive to their emotions.

Q: I’m not good at getting deep with mates. I get a bit withdrawn and awkward when it comes to serious issues. How do I prepare for a conversation with a friend who I know is having a hard time?

Kim:

I struggled with this when I first started working in suicide prevention because saying this sort of stuff out loud is tough. Even when you’re talking to your friends and family you can get a bit tongue tied. What I’ve found really helpful is to go on websites with conversation tips, like R U OK? , as they have practical things you can say. It might sound silly but saying it out loud and practising those phrases can help you feel more comfortable about having the conversation.
Q. It’s easy to talk to people you’re very close to but how do you open the conversation with others?

Alan:

It can be hard if you’re not familiar with somebody. You can use some exploratory questions and tread gently. You may even want to ask a person, “Are you ok to talk with me about some things”’ They’re likely to respond with an honest yes or no. But most people are very responsive if you ask in a genuine way.

Sometimes it’s easier to talk with someone that you don’t know that well. Sometimes you can be a more useful person in the conversation simply because you’re not too close to them. So don’t forget that you can play an important role even if they’re not your closest friend or family member.

Kim:

Often people are just looking for someone to listen. My nana had a great saying: “You have two ears and one mouth so use them in the right proportion.” So, if you don’t know them that well and you’re not used to their conversational cues try to listen more.
Q. When someone is so candid about their mental health but not what they’re actually going through, what open-ended questions can I ask to help them open up?

Kim:

Most of the time, asking quite directly is really helpful. You could say something like, “You’ve talked to me about your mental health issues. Can you talk to me about what’s going on for you at the moment? What’s happening in your life?” Those sort of questions give them permission to open up.

Alan:

It’s important to try and understand what the situation means for that person. Start to ask them questions like, “What happened yesterday? How did that feel for you? What things did you do as a result of that? What did you think the person was saying? How did that affect you”’ These can help draw somebody out. They can help reveal what their emotional response is. Often the emotional response is the real response even though we might only talk about it in concrete terms.

Announcement from the CEO, Katherine Newton

by Katherine Newton • 16 October 2025
After ten years of teamwork, partnerships, growth, and countless conversations, I will be stepping down as CEO from 1 December 2025. It has been an extraordinary privilege to contribute to the growth of this movement and to witness meaningful change before my eyes. Gavin Larkin founded R U OK? because he believed conversation has the power to change lives. One seemingly simple question, when asked with genuine intent and care, can start a meaningful and sometimes complex conversation. And that’s what Gavin wanted. For people to look beyond responses of “I’m fine” or “All good” and ask, “Are you really OK?”. The notion of going deeper with conversations, of asking a second time, of trusting our guts and moving past our hesitation - is being grasped and moving beyond one day to any day. Whilst saying “G’day how are you?” will always be a greeting - we can do more. When Gavin lost his father to suicide he wanted to try and protect other families from the pain his endured. He wanted to get people talking and having real chats about how they’re feeling with their mates, their family and their colleagues. In locker rooms, lunch rooms, and lounge rooms across the nation. But he approached it from a different angle. Gavin wanted all of us to have the confidence to support the people we care about who might be struggling with life. To make conversations a natural part of our behaviour, to openly show our signals of support. So as R U OK? generations continue to evolve, my chapter is coming to a close. How fortunate I am to have been part of the story. From hesitant glances during presentations in 2015 to queues of people waiting for a conversation in 2025. From yellow wigs in the office, to welcoming yellow-swathed Ambassadors to share their lived experience. From yellow coffee cups in a café, to yellow cars driving into communities nationwide. And yes, there’s been a few cupcakes along the way. Social change is happening, and we are all a part of it. No one organisation can prevent suicide, no one individual can save everyone - but the power of many can make a difference.
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