Tips for managing emotional reactions during an R U OK? conversation

hello • 20 August 2020

From time to time, we can face strong reactions during an R U OK? conversation. When facing these reactions, we may feel uncomfortable, guilty or anxious. It’s OK to experience these emotions but by being prepared and knowing what to say, we can minimise awkwardness and reduce the pressure in these situations.

How can I prepare myself for a strong emotional reactions?

  • Recognise their reaction might be in response to a range of circumstances, some of which you might not know about 

  • Allow the person to fully express their emotions (i.e. let off steam) and show them you’re interested by actively listening to all they say 

  • Deal with the emotions first, you can discuss the issues more rationally once emotions have been addressed 

  • Being an active listener is one of the best things you can do for someone when they are distressed 

  • Manage your own emotions by staying calm and not taking things personally.

How do I deal with sadness? 

  • Sad or tragic incidents are often difficult to deal with because we empathise with the person and feel helpless as we cannot take away their sadness or pain 

  • Use lots of empathetic phrases, such as “It sounds like you’re juggling a few things at the moment” or “I understand this must be challenging for you right now” 

  • Make sure you’re comfortable with any silence in the conversation 

  • Know that silence gives them permission to keep talking and tell you more 

  • Encourage them to access support 

  • If someone begins to cry, sit quietly and allow them to cry. Lowering your eyes can minimise their discomfort. You could add, “I’m going to sit here with you and when you’re ready we can keep talking” 

  • If you anticipate this response, it can help to have tissues handy.

How do I deal with anger? 

  • If someone is visibly hostile you can respond with: “I can see that this has upset you. Why don’t you start at the beginning and tell me what I need to know...” 

  • Allow them to identify all the factors they feel are contributing to their anger 

  • You might encourage them by adding “Right, I understand that (....) is a problem. What else is causing you concern?” 

  • Be patient and prepared to listen to them talk about everything that’s adding to their frustration 

  • To keep the conversation on track and to reassure them you’re interested in all they have to say, try reflecting back what they have said. You could say, “So the thing that’s really upsetting you is (....) Is that right?” 

  • If they feel they have been wronged or treated unfairly you are unlikely to persuade them otherwise in this conversation. It’s more constructive to listen to all they have to say and provide resources or connect them with formal channels where their specific complaints can be heard.

How do I deal with anxiety? 

  • Speak in short, clear sentences while still showing concern and care 

  • If you anticipate an anxious response, use your preparation time to think about how you will say what you need to in a clear way 

  • Stay calm. This is best displayed through deep, slow breathing, a lower tone of voice and evenly paced speech.

By using these tips, you can help someone feel supported when confronted with challenges in life whether at home, work, school or in sport.

Find more conversation tips at www.ruok.org.au/how-to-ask

If you need support or know someone who does, visit www.ruok.org.au/findhelp for professional support services and self-care tools.

Announcement from the CEO, Katherine Newton

by Katherine Newton • 16 October 2025
After ten years of teamwork, partnerships, growth, and countless conversations, I will be stepping down as CEO from 1 December 2025. It has been an extraordinary privilege to contribute to the growth of this movement and to witness meaningful change before my eyes. Gavin Larkin founded R U OK? because he believed conversation has the power to change lives. One seemingly simple question, when asked with genuine intent and care, can start a meaningful and sometimes complex conversation. And that’s what Gavin wanted. For people to look beyond responses of “I’m fine” or “All good” and ask, “Are you really OK?”. The notion of going deeper with conversations, of asking a second time, of trusting our guts and moving past our hesitation - is being grasped and moving beyond one day to any day. Whilst saying “G’day how are you?” will always be a greeting - we can do more. When Gavin lost his father to suicide he wanted to try and protect other families from the pain his endured. He wanted to get people talking and having real chats about how they’re feeling with their mates, their family and their colleagues. In locker rooms, lunch rooms, and lounge rooms across the nation. But he approached it from a different angle. Gavin wanted all of us to have the confidence to support the people we care about who might be struggling with life. To make conversations a natural part of our behaviour, to openly show our signals of support. So as R U OK? generations continue to evolve, my chapter is coming to a close. How fortunate I am to have been part of the story. From hesitant glances during presentations in 2015 to queues of people waiting for a conversation in 2025. From yellow wigs in the office, to welcoming yellow-swathed Ambassadors to share their lived experience. From yellow coffee cups in a café, to yellow cars driving into communities nationwide. And yes, there’s been a few cupcakes along the way. Social change is happening, and we are all a part of it. No one organisation can prevent suicide, no one individual can save everyone - but the power of many can make a difference.
Michelle Heyman on the field.

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