For many, Father's
Day is a moment to celebrate the dads, father figures and blokes who have made
an impact on our lives. But for some, it can be a tough day. Grief, divorce or
separation, relationship issues, absence, painful or unresolved feelings are
just a few of the things that can make this a difficult day.
If you know
Father's Day is going to bring up tough emotions for yourself, a mate or a
loved one, it can help to talk about it and have a self-care plan in place.
What are the signs someone might be having a tough time this Fathers'
Day?
This Father's Day
keep an eye out for the signs that could indicate someone's finding it tough or
might need some extra support. Ask yourself,
Do they seem:
- Moody?
- Unable to switch off?
- Concerned about the future?
- Concerned they're a burden?
- Lonely or lacking
self-esteem?
- Concerned they're trapped or
in pain?
Are they:
- Experiencing mood swings?
- Becoming withdrawn?
- Changing their online
behaviour?
- Losing interest in what they
used to love?
- Unable to concentrate?
- Less interested in their
appearance and personal hygiene?
- Behaving recklessly?
Are they experiencing:
- Relationship issues?
- Major health issues?
- Constant stress?
- Financial difficulty?
- The loss of someone or
something they care about?
If you feel like
something's not quite the same with someone you know - trust that gut instinct
and take the time to ask them "Are you OK?" By acting as 'eyes and
ears' and reaching out to anyone you think might be struggling with the day,
you can show them they're supported and encourage them to access help if it's
needed.
Make time for a meaningful conversation
You don't need to
be an expert to reach out to someone and ask R U OK? – just a good friend and a
great listener. If you know that someone is likely to struggle on Father's Day,
or you have a gut feeling that something is not right, start a conversation and
let them know you're there for them.
How to ask R U OK?
Follow our four
steps to have a conversation that could change a life but remember if the
conversation is too big for you to take on alone, contact a professional
through the 'Find Help' page on the R U OK? website.
Step 1: Ask R U OK?
- Be relaxed, friendly and
concerned in your approach.
- Help them open up by asking
questions like "How are you going?" or "What's been
happening?"
- Mention specific things that
have made you concerned for them, like "You seem less chatty than
usual. How are you going?"
Step 2: Listen without judgement
- Take what they say seriously
and don't interrupt or rush the conversation.
- Don't judge their
experiences or reactions but acknowledge that things seem tough for them.
- If they need time to think,
sit patiently with the silence.
- Encourage them to explain:
"How are you feeling about that?" or "How long have you
felt that way?"
- Show that you've listened by
repeating back what you've heard (in your own words) and ask if you have
understood them properly.
Step 3: Encourage action
- Ask: "What have you
done in the past to manage similar situations?"
- Ask: "How would you
like me to support you?"
- Ask: "What's something
you can do for yourself right now? Something enjoyable or relaxing?"
- You could say: "When I
was going through a difficult time, I tried this... You might find it
useful too."
- If they've been feeling down
for more than two weeks, encourage them to see a health professional. You
could say, "It might be useful to link in with someone who can
support you. I'm happy to assist you in finding the right person to talk
to."
- Be positive about the role
of professionals in getting through tough times.
Step 4: Check in
- Pop a reminder in your diary
to call them in a couple of weeks. If they're struggling, follow up with
them sooner.
- You could say: "I've
been thinking of you and wanted to know how you've been going since we
last chatted."
- Ask if they've found a
better way to manage the situation. If they haven't done anything, don't
judge them. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment.
- Stay in touch and be there
for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference.
Help in a crisis
If you or a loved
one need support, Lifeline can provide a listening ear and telephone crisis
support 24/7 on 13 11 14.
You can find other
support services at www.ruok.org.au/findhelp