Five experts share their R U OK? conversation tips

hello • 23 September 2020

Looking out for our friends, family and workmates is something we can all do, though knowing the best way to approach a conversation can help us tackle the difficult and awkward ones with more confidence. We asked five conversation experts to share their tips for asking R U OK? and keeping the conversation going when someone says they're not OK so you can continue a conversation that could change a life. 


Expert: Nicholas Procter


“Sometimes it can be hard to pitch the words in the way that you think are right. It can be a bit nerve-racking to ask those questions and have that conversation. But what we know from people in distress is that it’s less about the words and more about the intent."


Nicholas Procter, Leader of the University of South Australia's Mental Health and Suicide Research Group, shares his conversation tips.


Expert: Kamal Sarma


"Our job is not to fix them, our job is to make sure that we listen to them, that we take an interest and see what we can do to encourage action."


Kamal Sarma, the Chair of the R U OK? Conversation Think Tank, shares his conversation tips.


Expert: Debra Brodowski


"It demonstrates genuine care and concern, it demonstrates that you are able to offer assistance and it really offers an opportunity to be a connector for additional support in an authentic and genuine way.”


Debra Brodowski, National Manager of Psychological Services at the Centre for Corporate Health, on the importance of checking in with someone after an R U OK? conversation.


Expert: Michelle Lim


“My response when I hear someone is not OK is always to ask ‘What can I do?’ and I think it’s really important to ask that question as a follow up because what we might assume will help someone feel better may not actually make them feel better.”


Dr Michelle Lim, Scientific Chair of Ending Loneliness Together, shares her tip for what to say after R U OK?


Expert: Vanessa Lee

“Sometimes people start yarning or talking and they share their story and they pause. That is not your opportunity to jump in and give advice. Sometimes people pause because they’re thinking about what to say next.”
 
Dr Vanessa Lee, Chair of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Advisory Group for R U OK?, on actively listening during a conversation.



For more tips on asking R U OK? visit ruok.org.au/how-to-ask

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Announcement from the CEO, Katherine Newton

by Katherine Newton • 16 October 2025
After ten years of teamwork, partnerships, growth, and countless conversations, I will be stepping down as CEO from 1 December 2025. It has been an extraordinary privilege to contribute to the growth of this movement and to witness meaningful change before my eyes. Gavin Larkin founded R U OK? because he believed conversation has the power to change lives. One seemingly simple question, when asked with genuine intent and care, can start a meaningful and sometimes complex conversation. And that’s what Gavin wanted. For people to look beyond responses of “I’m fine” or “All good” and ask, “Are you really OK?”. The notion of going deeper with conversations, of asking a second time, of trusting our guts and moving past our hesitation - is being grasped and moving beyond one day to any day. Whilst saying “G’day how are you?” will always be a greeting - we can do more. When Gavin lost his father to suicide he wanted to try and protect other families from the pain his endured. He wanted to get people talking and having real chats about how they’re feeling with their mates, their family and their colleagues. In locker rooms, lunch rooms, and lounge rooms across the nation. But he approached it from a different angle. Gavin wanted all of us to have the confidence to support the people we care about who might be struggling with life. To make conversations a natural part of our behaviour, to openly show our signals of support. So as R U OK? generations continue to evolve, my chapter is coming to a close. How fortunate I am to have been part of the story. From hesitant glances during presentations in 2015 to queues of people waiting for a conversation in 2025. From yellow wigs in the office, to welcoming yellow-swathed Ambassadors to share their lived experience. From yellow coffee cups in a café, to yellow cars driving into communities nationwide. And yes, there’s been a few cupcakes along the way. Social change is happening, and we are all a part of it. No one organisation can prevent suicide, no one individual can save everyone - but the power of many can make a difference.
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